this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
