If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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