swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I wish there were birth control emojis
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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