Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
