You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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