we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
