Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
