I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
