A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I want her autograph on my taint
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
