cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
