Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
