Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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