Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
