I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
