i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
