Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I have feelings that need drinking.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
