Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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