NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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