booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Who did Billy Mays play for?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
