I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
