I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
