my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
i drank out of a bidet.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
