I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
