do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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