He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize