I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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