there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
