Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
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