why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
So much rum. So many feels.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
