im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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