your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
