It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize