i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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