So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
