i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize