So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
