ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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