Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
