JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
