Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
