I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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