i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
