Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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