3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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