I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
