Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
