im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
