fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i just google imaged poop.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
