I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
