Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
don't judge my taste in strippers
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
