You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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