I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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