Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
