Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
