only if we run a train.
done.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
