he told me I talked like a deaf person
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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