Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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