it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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