Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
