If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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