I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
