the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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