At least make sure they are 18
Why
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
