I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize