well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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