i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
