i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
