you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize